by Mary Bicknell
One lasting impact for many children in foster and kinship care is a sense of uncertainty. This time of year, that feeling can intensify with the approach of summer break. Excitement greets many kids as the school year ends, but for kids in foster care who are spending their first summer with a new caregiver, they may be wondering what to expect and feeling anxious. It is not uncommon for children to feel insecure about change, and this can be more so for kids in foster care. They might connect change with the time they were removed from their family’s home, or from another foster home.
Most children appreciate the freedom to not follow a schedule, but for a child in foster care, the structure of the school year can be positive. Finding themselves in a new home with little warning, the structure of the school day lets them know there is a predictable tomorrow and is critical to their sense of belonging.
While many kids at school are talking about their favorite summertime activities, children in foster and kinship care often wonder if they will be able to participate in their favorite summertime activities and wonder what new activities they will experience.
Another thing foster and kinship caregivers should consider is will their child in foster care feel welcomed in new summer activities such as day camps or visits with extended family. For our family, when our first child in foster care arrived in our home, our friends and neighbors were excited for us, and also full of questions, like why she was in foster care. At the time, she was an infant, but many children come into foster and kinship care old enough to understand such questions. Imagine how an 8 or 12-year-old feels when people new to them ask these questions. Try to make sure others involved in your summer activities know to avoid such questions and that it is important for them to help kids feel included.
Here are some other ways caregivers can help children in foster care experience less anxiety and more security as summer approaches:
- Include them in conversations about summer plans.
- Ask kids what they want to do and help them imagine options.
- Explain where and when activities will take place.
- Share pictures of summer activities and help them visualize being there.
- Create a special summer calendar they can keep in their room.
- Make sure they know that plans include them.
- Talk about upcoming events, i.e. “In just two weeks we’re all going to the beach.”
- Plan at least one activity that they direct, like going for ice cream on a day they choose.
Though summer can be challenging for a child in foster or kinship care, with careful planning, intentional inclusion, and lots of conversations, caregivers can help them find a way to feel less anxious and even excited.
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Mary Bicknell is mom to three children, two adopted and one biological. She has been a nurse for many years, and much of that time she worked in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. She has helped many families navigate foster care and has championed families working to reunite with their children after foster care. She is a freelance writer based in Edmonds, WA.