Foster and kinship caregivers are often high achievers. Their internal drive to help make the world a better place leads them to want to help kids and families. And because they learn about the trauma kids often experience before and during foster care, they seek to remedy that trauma by being “perfect” caregivers. It’s a phenomenon Amara’s foster and kinship caseworkers know how to identify so they can help these caregivers navigate the disconnect between their desire to be perfect caregivers and the imperfection of the foster care system.
“Perfectionism among caregivers (for themselves, not kids) is not uncommon,” said Mary Schlichter, Foster Care Placement Manager at Amara. “They want to compensate for all the hard things kids experience. We help them understand that they shouldn’t be too hard on themselves.”
One of the caregivers Mary worked with demanded perfection in herself. It made caregiving very stressful for her. But after Mary recommended counseling and provided individual mentoring, this caregiver was able to gradually not demand perfection in herself.
Amara’s new Caregiver Support program can help foster and kinship caregivers in East Pierce County and North King County navigate perfectionism and many other challenges that can come with fostering. Reaching out for help can lead to reduced stress and more resources for both caregivers and the children in their care.
“We should normalize asking for help,” said Tricia Lambie, Director of Resource Care at Amara. It’s okay to need help sometimes.”